All the Pretty Words

Woohoo! Today was the last day of classes for the semester! I have finals next week, and most of them will be fairly easy, and then I’m freeeeee :). I do, however, have to start working full time for the summer :p. Oh, well. I shall survive. I need to take the GRE (a sort of exit exam for college, which graduate schools use in the admissions process) soon. I guess I should do it this summer, but I really don’t know what the usual timing is for that. I have only two semesters of classes left, and then I’ll have my bachelor’s degree. It’s time to start planning all this out :p. Well, I do have two days to sleep in next week, and hopefully there will be time for naps and watching movies and the like :). Mmmmmm, sleep :D

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I am sooooo bored right now. At the moment, I seem to have the attention span of a five-year-old, as I cannot focus on any one thing. Maybe it’s the headache coming back, joy of all joys :p. Sorry to make such a boring post, but I felt the compulsion to do something or go insane. Well, more insane than I already am.

/me wanders off in search of something to do

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I’ve had one of those horrid darkly brooding days. The past week has been a little hard on me, which especially sucks when compared to how great the couple of weeks before this one were. Before that time, I was quite stressed out. Then, during the good time, I experienced quite a few upheavals in my life, most of which have been good changes. I met this wonderful man, and the circumstances of our relationship led to the necessity of me asserting independence from my parents, which in and of itself was quite stressful, due to a lot of things I won’t get into here and now. And now that things between us have slowed down a bit, I’m not floating on that cloud any more and the stressors in my life have returned. It’s a disappointment to wake up from something so much like a wonderful dream and to realize that while that wonderful dream has become reality, it’s not as easy or carefree as the dream. I feel like all of the people I can turn to in my distress have all turned away, busy with their own lives, or unaware of what’s going on, or aware of it but simply not caring. And yet these same people, who have turned away from me, say that I have turned away from them. Am I really that drawn into myself? Am I really that selfish? I’m not sure what to think about them or myself. And despite the assertion of independence from my parents, or perhaps because of it, now more than ever I feel like I’m in a cage, and I’m rattling the bars and trying to pick the locks, trying so desperately to get out, but I’m trapped and don’t know how to make myself free. But still, despite the stress, despite the pain, I feel like I should be happy. I’m young. It’s spring and it’s beautiful out there. I have this great new relationship. So what’s going on? Why am I so stressed? I can identify some things in my life that are causing stress, but I don’t see why things should be like this. I feel so frustrated. I feel sad. I’ve always considered myself to be a strong person. It really disturbs me to be like this, to not be able to figure out what’s going on and why and how to fix it, all the while remaining calm. Why am I crying? And why is there no one here to listen to me and dry my tears? I sit here and write this, and I wonder why. Why?

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Guess what? The super-lovely spring weather has returned :D. The temperatures have been in the high 70’s, which is great. I’m thinking about wearing shorts tomorrow :). Will have to get my tan from a bottle, though :p.

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I have been so incredibly lazy today. It was unseasonably warm today, with a high of 84 F, and rather humid, so that made me rather sluggish in a physical sense even though I love the heat. I would go outside and soak it up like a little lizard if I could. I just don’t want to do anything in heat like that :p. I’ve been pretty lazy in a mental sense, too. The only thing that really made me go to classes today was the fact that I had a test in my first class, and it would have been pointless to make a 40-minute round trip for that 15-minute test. So, I talked to some friends, ate lunch, and took a nice little nap between classes. I’m afraid I was rather rude and dozed off during a girl’s presentation in Abnormal Psychology today :(. I tried not to, I was just feeling soooo very lazy. What’s worse is that the professor sat down in one of the students’ chairs for the presentation…right next to me. And I still dozed off :p. Hopefully she didn’t notice…it was only for a minute or so. After class I went home and plopped myself down in my chair, where I have been sitting pretty much ever since. I took another nap, too. Heh, and I feel about ready to take another :p.

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